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Saying "Yes" (so they won't know it's no) ~ guiding behavior for peaceful parenting ~
 Category |
: Family |
 Times Read |
: 86 |
 Date |
: 24 May 2008 07:00 |
After this afternoons fiasco, Ive developed a new parenting philosophy: never deny your child anything."Yes, darling, of course you can take drugs (after you kill me and do away with my body).""Sure, dear - do start smoking! As soon as youve eaten these three packs of menthol cigarettes...""Of course you can have a chocolate bar, baby. When youre finished that broccoli, well walk over to the store and buy one.""You sure can go outside honey! Once were done picking up your toys, well play on the swings together."Keep direct negative replies at bay unless its imperative such as in a potentially dangerous situation. A curbside "Mommy, can I cross the street by myself?" needs to be dealt with instantly and distinctly. Discussion and education can take place later.Of course, youve got to be right on the ball otherwise its quite possible that you may inadvertently agree to bungee-jumping directly the vacuuming is done. If youve erred, the back-up here to is belly laugh loudly (holding your sides for further effect), wipe your eyes and say: "My, my! Im just being so silly today!"If youre in a non-critical circumstance but still need to say "no" (such as the invariable plea to stay up a little longer), try going sideways: "On the weekend, you can stay up till 10:00, but only if you go to sleep right now".By using "no" less often, it will be taken more seriously by the kids when you do say it. In the same way, your qualified yes gives the child what she wants ("yes, you can paint") as well as what you want ("as soon as we put away these puzzle pieces"). Tasks assigned with your proviso should be done together as much as possible, to keep your positive-negative positive, non?
About the Author
Stephanie Olsen, published writer, homeschooling mother of two and ESL teacher currently residing in Europe, is also owner of the expatriate site, Family Life Abroad http://www.familylifeabroad.com where youll find humorous and informative articles by experienced expatriates on all aspects of living abroad, with lots of links and travel tips.
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