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The Realities of Your Relationship
 Category |
: Family |
 Times Read |
: 72 |
 Date |
: 14 March 2008 07:00 |
Relationship RealityOne of my aims in life is to break down any sense that we are alone, that ourchallenges are in any way unique or special. Its all just stuff that gets inthe way of us being our best, but just like gum on your shoe, it can be scrapedoff.Every relationship you get into is going to move through three nicelypredictable stages. Romance is first up, being of course the absolute best bit.Its like the cherry on your cake, knowing youve met Mr. or Mrs. Right andloving everything about them. The next stage, unless youre taking somedelusional narcotics, is the inevitable power struggle. This is the time when westart to establish whose needs come first in the relationship. Trust me, this iswhere it gets messy. Do you know that according to Barbara De Angelis there arefour stages a relationship moves through as it hits this struggle? These areresistance, resentment, rejection and repression. The power struggle is anasty, painful phase and potentially we squabble in ways were not proud of.The bad news is that using the examples we grow up with the best most of us everreach is the stage of repression. We look around and realize there are no betteroptions, we love the home weve built together, weve got mutual friends, andwere more comfortable than weve ever been. We then settle for what weve gotusing the tired refrain, you just cant have everything and Oh well, itsreally not that important. Well at this point I think its really important toask yourself whos the it you are referring to?Potentially, we now have a relationship where we endure each other and live asroommates rather than lovers. Its the norm, most of the people around you existin it so its not surprising people feel a little guilty when they begin to wantmore. Fortunately for those brave souls willing to ask for more weve got thepotential for co-creativity, a phrase coined by Seana McGee and Maurice Taylorin The New Couple. This is where the relationship manages to evolve beyond thepower struggle into adulthood and we get back to the place where we can askourselves what we can give to our partner rather than getting stuck in trying toget our needs met.Its not a big deal and the skills you need are in no way complicated. Most ofus dont need therapy; we just need strategies that lead to happiness. Take alook at my top tips for some easy to implement solutions. Let me know whichones work for you, Id love to hear from you.http://www.thegreatrelationshipcoach.com/download/relationship.pdf
About the Author
Copyright 2003 by Michael Myerscough The Great Sex Coach. All RightsReserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include thefollowing information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker andrelationship success coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articleson his website that you can use. Visit him at www.thegreatsexcoach.com and signup for his free newsletter.
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