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Hungry For Overkill
 Category |
: Travel and Leisure |
 Times Read |
: 51 |
 Date |
: 31 January 2008 14:59 |
by: David Leonhardt
I dont have much time to watch television. Being the lazy person that I am, I usually let other people in the family do my watching for me.
But some events are just so important that I have to watch them myself. Such was the case with the finals of this years American Idol. The space shuttle Columbia crash in Texas earlier in the year was another event that (sadly) I just had to watch. And I certainly did not want to miss the thrill of seeing the Americas Cup sail into Switzerland.
Of course, I regularly turn on the tube whenever a George Bush invades Iraq. Hopefully, this one will soon finish invading; my electricity bill is suffering.
The latest must-see event is the Michael Jackson arrest, an event of such momentous importance that all news shows, gossip shows, comedy shows and just about everybody else is offering wall-to-wall coverage. It has been estimated that 37% of the American population has been interviewed by the media for their inside-knowledge of "the pop superstars" personal life.
So I was most shocked when I flipped to a channel that was not helping me track down the most fascinating intimate details and most intriguing and succulent minutiae of all things Michael Jackson.
"What?!" I demanded. "This is impossible. What is this trash?"
"Thats Touched by an Angel," my wife offered. "Its one of your favorite shows."
"Thats no excuse," I blustered. "The network should be hot on the Jackson case. How could this be? Im calling the cable company to complain."
"But dear ..." my wife tried to interrupt.
"Its no use," I insisted as I dialed. "My mind is made up. Dont try to stop me."
"But dear ..." my wife tried to interrupt me again.
"I am sorry. There is simply no excuse for airing pure entertainment when there are important details about Michael Jackson to be uncovered."
"But dear ..." my wife tried once more.
"Hello? Cable Company? I want to lodge a most serious complaint."
"But we dont get cable out here," my wife broke in. "We have satellite TV."
"Oh."
"Look. There are some 395 channels, and at least 70% of them are airing Michael Jackson stories. Dont you think thats at least, oh, lets say, 70% overkill?" my wife asked.
"You dont understand. This is important. The whole world is watching. This man has changed the face of music."
"Yes, thats what some of his celebrity colleagues are saying", my wife rolled her eyes. "As if people who change the face of music have all been vaccinated against child-molesting."
"Thats not the point. There are so many details to uncover. We know he likes Kentucky Fried Chicken, but does he eat quiche? Everybody knows that real men dont eat quiche. Could that be his problem?
"Let it go, Happy Guy," my wife advised. "It just doesnt pay to get so caught up in all the TV drama. Besides, this is a serious investigation with a serious charge and it should be left to the authorities."
I sank down into the couch. My wife was finally starting to make sense. "What are you going to do now?" she asked.
"I think Ill watch Touched by an Angel."
"Ah, thats the husband I know and love."
"Right now Michael Jackson could use an angel, and so could all those kids. I mean, what can one little district attorney do?" I moaned.
My wife moaned, too. I was amazed that she would suddenly show such support.
"I know," I said, lighting up. "Never mind the cable company. Ill call Tess. She can set Michael Jackson straight."
About The Author
The author is David Leonhardt. Sign up for his weekly satire column up at http://TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html. Pick up a free motivational ebook at http://TheHappyGuy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php.
info@thehappyguy.com
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