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 by: Terry Hernon MacDonald

Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He recently told me the prime reason he married his wife is because, "She was the only girl I dated who could control me."

I had no idea what he was talking about. I dont know many people, men or women, who enjoy being controlled.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I dated a lot of girls, some of them pretty seriously. I was actually close to being engaged to one of them, but I didnt go through with it because she couldnt control me.

But my wife Christine* could. If I wanted to go out with my friends, shed say, Have fun, and that was it.

It was such a change from the other girls I dated, who used to give me a hard time, wanted to know where I was going and why they couldnt come with me. I went out for a while with one girl who actually said, Okay, but now you owe me when I wanted to go to a wrestling match with a buddy. It was a major turn-off.

But Christine couldnt care less. Whenever I told her I wanted to go out without her, shed just smile at me and say, Have fun."

"How exactly was that controlling you?" I asked. "You got what you wanted."

"Yeah," he said, "But as soon as I went out, I missed her. I knew she wasnt sitting around waiting for me to call. I didnt know what she was doing. And since she didnt give me grief about me going out, I didnt feel like Id made prison break. I ended up wishing I was with her, instead of with my friends."

Lest you think this is sexist, put yourself in Bens place: Who would you be more attracted to? A guy who calls you three times a day, makes demands on your time, and harasses you when you want to go out with your friends? Or a guy who calls once a day (or a couple of times a week), asks you what youd like to do over the weekend, and tells you to have fun when you want to go out with your friends?

Wouldnt you want you to see the second guy more often?

The lesson here is, if you want a relationship with somebody, you must give him air. Give him his freedom. (It doesnt matter if you have nothing else to do except pre-treat the perspiration stains on your blouses, keep it to yourself.) Smile and tell him to have a ball. Then let him wonder how youll spend your time off.

Is it scary? Sure, its scary! What if he meets another woman while hes scarfing down nachos at the local tavern? Well, what if he does? Hes obviously not the right guy for you, and its better to know that sooner than later.

But consider this: What if he goes out and notices the happy couples and wishes he were with you instead of his friends? What if it dawns on him that the unattached girls hanging out at the bar cant compare to the woman he really wants (you!)?

What if he spends the night thinking of you, missing you, wondering what youre doing and who youre with? Thinking about what a breath of fresh air you are, a woman whos secure enough to do her own thing and give him some time on his own?

What if?

*Names have been changed.

About The Author

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com.